Nigeria's former Minister Humphrey Abah& wife welcome baby 23yrs after marriage

Nigeria's former Minister of
State for Interior,Humphrey
Abah and his wife of 23 years,
Mrs Mary Abah welcomed a
baby recently 23 years after the
got married.
49 year old Mary, who is a
lawyer and banker, shared her
experience with Punch on the
challenges of being married for
so long without a child and the
support she got from her
husband.
"When they told me I was
pregnant, I screamed and
cried in the hospital and
everyone present rose up
and gave thanks to the
Lord. Since then, the story
has been one testimony
after another. But that was
not all, when I was to put
to bed, I was told there
might be complications as
a result of all the
operations I had done.
They said that might make
it a very difficult and
dangerous birth. Yet, the
Lord saw me through. It
feels great and I thank the
Lord for wiping away my
tears and making me a
mother at last. It is a dream
I have had since I married
at the age of 27. Now, I am
more than 49 years old, it
has taken a long time but
the Lord has done it for
me. I have shed a lot of
tears. Our story is like that
of Abraham and Sarah. I
am already in menopause
but I told God that if He did
it for Sarah and gave her
womb the strength to
conceive, then He would
give my womb the same
strength. Even when
doctors in London told me
in 2011 that nothing could
be done, I knew that it is
only Him (the Lord) that
could help me. I focussed
on the Lord and He did it
for me." Unbelievable!
Miracles do happen.
Continue...
Congratulations on the
arrival of your baby 23
years after marriage. Did
you ever think it was
going to be like this?
Before I got married, my
view of the marriage
institution was that
marriage was a sanctuary;
a place where a woman
could actualise her dream
together with her partner. I
understood very early that
marriage usually gives
some form of security and
the expectation was that in
it, one should blossom, be
fruitful and multiply
generally as the Bible says.
That was basically how I
saw marriage in my
youthful age because I
finally married at the age of
27 and I was still quite
young.
In essence, you did not
anticipate the challenge
of having a baby…
No, I didn't anticipate it, the
truth is that as a young
child who was brought up
by a very strict mother, I
saw life as a bit of
calculation: a sort of '1+1
=2 and 2+2=4.' So if you
get married, you expect
that after nine months, as
they say, you will have a
child or children. My
challenge has made me
very sensitive to what
parents and well wishers
normally do at wedding
ceremonies. During a
wedding, people start
talking about gathering
again for a naming
ceremony after nine
months. They say it as a
joke but that is the genesis
of pressure on married
women. So, if yours doesn't
happen after nine months,
there is a question mark
there and you begin to fret
and other problems come
in.
Did you have any health
challenge when you were
growing up that could
have delayed your giving
birth?
Not really, it was much later
in life that the health
challenge came. I have
been a banker since 1987
when I undertook my
National Youth Service
Corps. I served in a bank as
a lawyer. I continued to
work in the bank
thereafter. Because I ended
up in the banking industry,
I decided to update myself
in everything related to the
industry.
During these trying
moments in your life, did
you feel that somebody
somewhere was
responsible for your
predicament?
The truth is that in the
whole of the 23 years, I
refused to focus on such
things. I didn't worry
about who it was, what it
was, where it was or how
it was. I did not want to
get myself involved in what
would cause me anguish
for the rest of my life.
You are from Cross River
State while your husband
is from Kogi State. Was
there resistance from
your parents when you
initially wanted to marry
Mr. Humphrey Abbah?
The way we met each
other was very peculiar
and our marriage was also
peculiar. Our families did
not actually affect us. They
were not there when we
met and when we started
courting. Our families were
not so involved and when
it came to the decision of
marriage, we took that
decision on our own but
involved our families later.
My husband is not
somebody that you can
force to do something
which he doesn't believe in.
So, even when we got
married, that was already
established in his family .
When he said this was the
young lady he wanted to
marry, I don't think he had
too much opposition. If
there was any at all, it was
very insignificant. The truth
is that my father-in-law
was a very lovely person; a
gentleman who had a lot of
respect for his son. By the
time we got married, his
mother was late and my
parents were late too. So,
his father was the focal
point and the cordial
relationship they had made
it easy. The rest of my
family and the elders gave
us a little bit of tough time
as you would expect in
inter-cultural marriages.
But it didn't take us time to
be able to woo them to our
side and that was it.
At what stage did you
begin to get worried?
My first signal was when I
was 30 years and three
years in my marriage. At
first, it didn't really worry
me because as a career
person, I felt we should
take it in our stride. I was
already beginning to make
waves in the banking
industry and the demands
of the job were already
telling on me. Also in my
innocence, I didn't really
feel it was an issue. But by
the time I was 30 and
nothing had happened, I
asked myself, 'what's going
on here?' Then I began to
be conscious of it and
started making deliberate
efforts to get pregnant.
Before this time, there was
no real effort. When the
pregnancy was not
forthcoming, I began to
suspect that there was a
real problem. But as usual, I
went to the doctors, they
said there was no problem
and suggested that I
should give myself time
because I was a busy lady.
But after about a year, I
went back and they gave
me one or two
interpretations as to what
could be wrong and we
started tackling it from
there and it came to the
point that by 2011, the
doctors were saying
nothing could be done.
Which was your first point
of call, church or hospital?
By 1991 when we got
married, we became born
again and the church had
become a focal point and
integral part of our lives.
We were praying and
fasting; good relationship
with the leadership of the
church had become part of
our daily lives and so the
church was always there
for us. The church was
never against consulting
orthodox doctors. The only
no-go area for us was to
seek help outside God. So I
think that was why very
early in the journey of this
crisis, we knew that
anything outside God was
not an alternative to take at
all.